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  • Writer's pictureAmy Kay Cole, PhD

Why Self-Compassion Beats Self-Confidence

Updated: Jun 18, 2023

Confidence is a powerful force that draws us to others. Clients don’t typically pursue counseling with the expressed purpose of increasing confidence, but most people want to feel confident. In truth, people are often confused by what true confidence looks and feels like. Confidence is not bravado or narcissism. It is not cockiness or always knowing the right thing to say at the right moment. True confidence comes from a place of authenticity. True confidence requires self-compassion and the ability to accept flaws and vulnerabilities as signs of humanity rather than weakness. When people have compassion for themselves and are unapologetically authentic, we are drawn to them. The attached article tells us people rate self-compassionate partners as more caring and supportive than self-critical ones. Self-compassionate people know who they are and what they are capable of. They don’t expect themselves to be capable of all things at any time. It’s far easier to be confident when you are comfortable in your own skin. Psychologists believe self-compassion has the advantages of self-confidence without the drawbacks. Whether you are interested in counseling or not, consider what it would feel like to accept yourself, regardless of flaws. The attached article suggests people are more likely to improve and become better versions of themselves when they have self-compassion.

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